See, he was a New Yorker.
My boyfriend, now husband, and I met in New York City, where he was raised.
There are place cards and seat assignments and plated chicken breasts.
Credit: Southern Living
“But what will we eat for dinner?”
“Oh, any number of things!”
“I don’t understand.
Can I get a dinner-sized portion of food?”
you’re free to go back to the buffet as many times as you want.
That’s the point.
It’s a free-for-all!
The bar, the dance floor, and the food are open, and everyone is just circulating."
Where will I eat my food?"
Credit: Southern Living
“We will have tables.”
“But not enough for everyone to sit down at once?”
“I’m still not sure I get it, but I trust you.”
Credit: Southern Living
“I promise it will be a really fun party.”
“Can there be pasta?”
(My father-in-law is very Italian, as you might surmise from my last name.)
“Of course.”
In the end, my in-laws had a blast at our wedding.
Their friends from New York and Connecticut and Ohio did, too.
So does aSouthern funeral, aSouthern baby shower, aSouthern cocktail party, and a Southerndrop-off-a-casserole-after-the-baby-is-bornvisit.
But there are certain quirks that are unique to the South and Southern gatherings.
Most of them are probably second nature to you.
Someetiquette rulesmight feel stuffy or outdatedanyone outside of the royal family worn a morning suit recently?
My kidsdosay ‘ma’am’ and ‘sir’ when visiting theirgrandmotherand her friends in Memphis.
When it comes to hospitality, especially, Southerners are welcoming and gracious.
I like the idea that knowing what to expect or what is expected from you could be freeing.
For example, everyone includes response cards now.
When I got married, that wasn’t a guarantee.
I’m happy to know the rule and have that skill.
I’m also happy to let it go.
It also makes practical sense, as you’ll never get a decent head count without it.
Should we sit around bemoaning that 25-year-olds in Denver don’t know how to properly word a wedding response?
We should make it easy for our friends to let us know if they’re joining us or not.
My favorite aspect of the free-for-all, no-seat-assignments wedding is that it’s easier to invite more people.
The more the merrier.
They are a perfect example of how boundaries could make our lives infinitely easier.
Traditionally, a bride or mother-to-be’s own family doesnotthrow her shower.
In that case, so be it.
I’ll never shake my head at that breach of protocol.
A Tradition to Have Forever and Ever, Amen
Which brings me tothank-you notes.
And I don’t need to tell you.
Write them.Teach your children to write them.
It can be very, very short.
Write, “Dinner was wonderful.
Thank you for the food and your friendship.”
The hardest part is remembering to stick it in the mailbox, I promise.
We tend to fling the doors open wide in times of joy and grief.
It is difficult to say exactly what rules exist, as different faiths have their own customs.
I experienced my own father’s funeral a couple of years ago.
Like wedding and baby showers, the family is encouraged to be served rather than serve.
But it didn’t need to be.
My aunt Patti showed up before they returned and took down the Christmas tree and made all the beds.
What does feel special to the South is showing up with something homemade in less expected circumstances.
Yes, we appreciate good host gifts, like candles or fresh flowers.
But we are also known to bring pie or a bushel of zucchini from our garden just because.
She’s from Texas.
And the food offering goes both ways.
(Never pooh pooh a kettle chip, by the way.
I rarely think of making a meal or being a proper host as an obligation.
It’s a blessing to my neighbors or friends or even strangers in the community.
Manners don’t feel like rules when they are small, tangible ways of loving others.
We are skilled at chitchat.
(Often, I wonder if this part of our culture is exhausting for Southern introverts.)
This is sometimes true because we are human, and we are flawed, like everyone else.
That is what I want my children to learn from me.
Southerners can be messy, too, even if we’re dressed impeccably and carrying a cobbler.
That’s what makes us interesting.
And a lot of fun at weddings.
