We are an easy-going peopleuntil we’re not.
Or break into a cold sweat if they’re forced to walk past the instant tea display at Publix?
Wear white shoes before Easter, and Mama’n’em will shake their heads in pity,bless your heart.
We are an easy-going peopleâexcept when we’re not.Credit:Jamie Hodgson/Getty
And those are just the things we agree on, for the most part.
The truth is that Southerners have more regional “this is how it’s done” rules than most.
And our internalized rulebook has chapters: Manners, Church, Food .
Jamie Hodgson/Getty
Manners
It is still not okay to skip the RSVP or thethank-you note.
(Infants and toddlers may have their mothers write Memaw and thank her for the teddy bear.)
Men and boys should always open doors for women and girls.
It is not old-fashioned.
“We respect our elders down here.
Also, the young’uns should be taught not to call adults by their first names.
If their relationship is formal or distant, use “Mr. Anderson” or “Mrs. ## Church
We choose carefully when it comes to houses of worship.
Many Southerners fall into one of two church camps: traditional or contemporary.
There will be drums.
They want their hymnals in hand so that nobody expects them to clap.
Clapping makes them nervous.
They want anEaster dresswith proper shoes and handbag.
Also, they have a regular pewand it’stheirpew.
Food
This one we’ll have to break down because it’s a huge category.
As it turns out, we’repickier about foodthan just about anything else in our purview.
Fasten your barbecue apronshere we go.
Mayonnaise: We’re pretty sure families have divided over this one.
Duke’s people can’t abide Hellman’s people and vice versa.
Throw Blue Plate and Kraft into the mix, and you’ve got mayo mayhem.
Which brand is really the best?
Whatever Mama uses, of course.
Ketchup: Sweet, tangy, thick, thin, homemade, store-boughteverybody’s got an opinion.
Also, there should be enough sugar in there to make ice cream.
Cornbread Dressing: Actually, we don’t even agree that it can be cornbread.
Coastal folks are down with the oyster dressing.
(But it really should be cornbread.)
Catfish: No batter, yo.
No cold grease, just.
Fried Chicken: How fried is fried enough?
Light brown, deep gold, super crunchy, lightly breaded?
That depends on how Mama did it.
Approach that cast iron skillet with reverence.
Gumbo: Without a proper roux, it’s called “soup.”
Grits: Is it okay to serve instant grits?
No, it is not.
Isn’t that right, Texas and North Carolina?
Syrup: Are you a Yellow Label or Golden Eagle fan?
Chicken Salad: Step away from theMiracle Whip.
Tomatoes: Rich color, firm texture, big flavorthese are requirements.
Southerners would rather eat a lightning bug than a mushy, mealy tomato.
Greens: We’re not sure any of us can master them till we have grandchildren.
Like fried chicken, greens are an art form.
Coleslaw: The shred of your cabbage says so much.
Any big, unwieldy chunks tell your guests that you might wear velvet after Valentine’s Day.
Mac and Cheese or Chicken and Dumplings: Never from a box or a can.
Okra: Must be slime-free.
Bourbon: We’ll let y’all speak to this one, Kentucky.
But we will say this .
We like to think the best judges of quality in almost any arena are our grandparents.
And they seemed willing to make the sacrifice to help us with this taste test.
